Crying It Out...

A tear is such a powerful thing that exposes even the most internalised weakness, or strength. it isn't a mere drop of salty water, but a carrier for all anger, frustration, failure, and sometimes even love and joy and pride. Its silence betrays even the deepest emotion, its motion slow enough to let the pain sink in.

Its no mystery that we can cry, and some of us [me included] tend to do so more than others. We cry at the movies, in loss, in pain and sometimes, even in sheer happiness. Each tear seals a reason, revealed or not. But have you ever cried without knowing why? Ever begun sobbing so violently, but without any catalyst? I know I have. There are times when I cry, without cause. Each part of me just yearns to find out why, but I never do.

Some times, the vulnerability and security of being in the arms of someone you love just makes you let out each tear that had been preserved for a better reason. The comfort is all it takes for one to pour their heart out, even if literally so. There are times when I long to do just that - just hug someone and cry to my heart's content, and let silence do its deed. There are times where I could just grab a friend and tell them, 'cry it out. It wouldn't hurt', because I understand how they feel just then. But then again, our inhibitions, and more often than not, our brains, stop us from doing so. Wonder what we're saving up these moments of togetherness in wellness and otherwise for?

But today on, I will tell myself that its ok to do that. Its ok to just hold onto someone and weep for as long as it takes for it to pass. And its ok to help someone do the same. Maybe they're like me, looking for the right time, right place and right person to drop their guard in front of. But I guess the tears know when to flow. They know when its time to barge through the floodgates and let everything out. And for once, I'll agree with them, and just cry it out.

=)

Over time, I've learned that as human beings, attachment is really important to us. We hold on to even the clumsiest threads that binds us to a person, and often we easily let go of strong ropes that join us to another person, only because they make cuts into our skin as we struggle to keep it together. This careless ease with which we handle our attachments is more selfish than anything else because we feel that we'd never be devoid of love if we ever needed or wanted it.

Only recently, I have begun to question the level this attachment can go to. Is it possible that some ties grow stronger in an insignificant amount of time? Can someone's one time concern become so habitual for us that we refuse to see beyond it? Do you, honestly asking, have someone who is so special to you that even the deepest cuts from holding on don't deter you, even if the other has already let go?

The question is not why we're still holding on, but what is it on the other side of the line that we don't want to let go of? A friend, a lover, a parent, a sibling, or love lost? Letting go isn't as great a part of us as attachment is. But what about the fear of letting go surpasses the pain of holding on? I know, for one, that the reason I find it hard to let it go is because if I do, I'm never too sure of whether I'll get a chance to pick it up again, or whether the person on the other side is going to care even an ounce to make sure that I hold on no matter what. And I, for one, also know that the reason why I continue to hold on, beyond pain, beyond hurt, and beyond normalcy, is because as I hold on, with each iota of determination I put into it, it will have some meaning some day for someone at the end of the line. If nothing else, the pain only makes me stronger and immune enough to handle lesser or greater pain, whatever the bond.

I'm unafraid to admit that I have some bonds that I'm holding on to despite the lashes on my hands. I still wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm still afraid to let go. But I'm sure that as long as I'm holding on, I feel stronger and I feel happier in the knowledge that I have someone to think about at the end of the day, who gives me the courage to hold on. And if nothing else, if you're reading and have been afraid so far, you're unafraid to be strong.

=)