Uninhibited...

I've always been a free-bird of sorts. Going wherever I want, doing what pleases me, and choosing to believe only what I think is believable. Its quite like the sand in a desert - changing face every now and then and refusing to settle, moved only by the gusts of wind that take with them all that they encounter. I've always been like a particle of sand in the wind. I cannot settle in one place, can't give it a rest once in a while. And complementary to that, I actually enjoy this freedom. But there are times when this freedom gets locked down and I get chained into confines that I cannot get out of. And for the most part, its all in the mind. My mind. The mind that is free, but also houses fear. Fear that buckles me down to my seat. Not in a grounding way, but in a restrictive sense. It renders me helpless without much to repair my state.

Think of a fly trapped in a glass jar. You can see its harrowed state. It bangs against the wall, flits about helplessly, clueless and tries mindlessly to escape. And then, after a rigorous struggle, it settles, not because its patiently anticipating release, but because it has lost. Lost the battle of survival over existence, freedom over captivity, vibrancy over faded hues. Imagine your thoughts, your expression trapped into such a jar, where everyone and everything can see you struggle but can't do much about it. You fight for what you believe in but you're rendered defenseless and the invincibility of your imagination shattered. That's pretty close to how anyone would feel when they're inhibited by their own boundaries, their own rules, their own 'what ifs'. And the bad news is that no one apart from our own person can open the jar lid and set us free.

This inhibition has slowly made its way into my mind too. It constricts the way I think, what I think, the way I write, what I write and most of all, who I am. I'm too scared of what the outside of the jar has got in store for me. Maybe a fly-swatter, waiting for me to escape so it can squish me. Maybe a repellent, waiting to smoke out even the last dregs of my zeal and zest to live out loud. Or just about anything that could shoot me down because I dared to try and find a way out of a jar that I was trapped in. Its more destructive than anything really, because it takes em away from what I truly love being - a grain of sand floating in the wind, care-free.

Maybe if I gathered all my energies, and resolved to escape, I'd probably break my jar as a way out by just banging into it. Who cares what's really outside the jar? As long as I have nothing holding me back, I can't be worried about the way forward. If only I can still trust the wind as much as I did and not wonder about where I'd be lost, I'd know for sure that there's nothing that can make my thought vulnerable to the forces waiting to shatter my imagination's invincible spirit. And then maybe, I'd soar higher than I did before, not because the wind lifted me beyond what it did before, but because this time, I'd do anything and everything to avoid another jar to get trapped into. And now, at the end of this, I'm convinced I'm flying high, because I have reason enough to believe and to live, the way I choose.

Love, Peace and Freedom to All...

=D