Knowing Me...

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If I say I'm just a teenager leading a life as normal as it can get, I sort of defy what I stand for. Its not all that easy but it has its moments. I like those moments when they come along and they bring with them a significant amount of emotion, which I only began expressing in words at age 7. Since then, its all about the writing. It gets to certain people and some just don't get it! But I think that its important for me to write because that is maybe the only talent that exists in me [not denying the presence of good enough speech to win a few here and there =P] There is little I know and there is much I simply yap about but I make sure that if its really got to be said, it better be said, however in the wrong or right. I feel much. There are lot of things I plainly observe and those are sort of the things that I adore writing about. I'm inspired by minute details and small things that have a huge impact much later on. There is much more to me that most know and many have bothered not about. Not like I want them to. But I'd like to be known. And that's what I think I stand for, being known beyond what is known. =D

Saturday, December 4, 2010


I think we've all heard our adults say that there are lessons to be learned in the smaller things of life. That's sort of what happened to me last week. Towards the close of possibly the best week I've ever had, my new-found friends and I went bowling in the evening, in Bangalore, where I was at the time of this revelation. As the game progressed and I was hypnotized by the sights and sounds of the bowling arena, I realised that bowling was a lot like our lives.

There's a lot of players in our alleys. They're all people we know. Some are stronger, some are slightly weaker and some are just downright surprises. The spirit of competition just happens to creep in even among the closest of friends. Some have the skill and the technique set, some struggle. Its like chasing goals in our lives. Some of us have a set plan about how, where, what and when. Some of us just go with the flow and take each chance as it comes. While some others among us, who look like they're here for the fun of it, actually have a lot of aces up their sleeves.

We've all got the same target ahead of us - maximum points, and hopefully strikes on as many turns as possible. Our approach is really what makes the difference. Some of us take the heavier ball, for more impact. Some of us prefer the lighter one, easier to maneuver. A sufficient number of us even go by colour! Some bowl with a quick pace, some as slow as possible and some just try different tricks with the ball! The same is with our lives, no? We've all got success as the ultimate objective but everyone takes a different route altogether, whatever works!

Some of us have the advantage of using the gutter blockers. But we don't always get that advantage and after a while, we don't need buffers. We learn to perfect our aim. One cannot always have something to fall back on. Though most attempts may land one into the gutters time and again, we have those lucky times where it manages to stay on course!

We've got 10 chances to get a decent enough score, as compared to the others. Close enough to this one, but definitely above that one! Some of us knock down a good number of pins each time, some struggle with the one's and two's. That's the same kind of equation we've got in our daily lives. We've got multiple opportunities to achieve certain targets, hoping that we do ourselves some good in the process. The point is, chances do exist and its up to us to try and make an improvement with each chance. Maybe a different approach, a different perspective or a just a chance you might want to take.

The thing that I found really cool was that during the game, there were some of us that actually stepped up to help the others. "Maybe if you tried a different ball" or "Wait!!!!!!! Don't twist your hand like THAT!" And that is really what makes the difference. Mentors are really important. Constructive criticism actually works if taken well. And you know the best part? Whenever someone finished a chance, everyone cheered for their effort, regardless of the end result. So it was at Wizkids. Despite what position we finished at, despite who got the title, we all cheered for each other, we all appreciated each other. Just because we were all on equal footing! We're all Awesome, We're all Talented, We're All WIZKIDS!

At the end of an event like Wizkids, and at the end of a fun-filled bowling session, there was a lot of learning to take back home with us. Maybe I read too much into things. Maybe I've gotten all too philosophical with this one. But maybe that's really what this experience did to me. And I loved every bit of it!


Friday, October 8, 2010

Moving On?

It so happens that I have a theory about everything. And I mean EVERY single thing. And there's this one particular thing that I've been thinking about since who knows when and who knows why. Its this simple 2 word term called - moving on.

Heard it before? I bet you have. Anyone who's ever had anything - right from a toy to a relationship - will know what being told to move on means. So basically moving on applies to everyone. If there's a moment of sheer excitement you cannot stop gushing about, you're crudely told to get a move on. If there's a precious love you've lost, you've just got to move on. They didn't deserve you anyway. If there is someone in your life who passed away, you have to move on. And so on and so forth. But is moving on that important? Or that easy? Or is it doable at all?

Firstly, lets basically wrap our brains around this concept and the rationale behind the usage of these blessed words. The reason why someone would ask you to move on or why one would coax oneself to move on, is that the subject in question will no longer have bearing on your life like they did. The past is gone and there is no point lingering in the past when there's an urgent present and a glorious future craving your attention. The subject either causes you pain, or your joy due to that subject gives someone else hell. Therefore it needs to be pushed out of consciousness. So you're simply asked to proceed further and maintain a platonic state of sorts when the subject is raised again.

My theory is as follows - no matter how much you try, whatever you do, whoever you talk to, you can NEVER move on. Ever. Whatever it is. Whether it concerns your favourite dress that no longer fits or a person who isn't on the same page anymore. Just because its out of consciousness, doesn't mean it never existed. Just because it caused you pain, doesn't mean it never caused you joy. Just because it will have no consequence hereon, doesn't mean that it never did.

When you move on, you negate the influence, whatever kind, of the subject on your life. It is not acceptance, it is a type of detachment from the subject. And when you begin to detach yourself from quite a few things, you need to know that there's probably nothing left for you to attach yourself to. The subject was, is and will remain part of your life, and nothing can change or diffuse that. If you don't like a chapter in the book, that doesn't mean that the chapter was not the end of or the start of something that you enjoyed.

Point being, it is easier said than done, this moving on business. There's lots of things I've had to go through and I may regret them and they probably don't exist anymore, but they have had an effect on me. They make me who I am. For me, moving on implies making that part of me impersonal. And if there is a part of me that I doesn't feel personal anymore, then I've lost that forever.

More importantly, I believe that you needn't ever move on. That does definitely NOT imply that you continue to moon over it. It means that you need to understand the change it has brought in you and constantly learn something from it each day. It is only experience that can teach us lessons in life and you cannot learn with a slate that you're continually cleaning. Agreed there is resentment, regret, displeasure and much more attached with the loss that usually triggers this urge to move on, but that cannot and should not overshadow the many reasons that made the subject important to you in the first place.

Last word in, move on but only in a direction that will let you grow and let you take your important baggage with you, because you'd be nothing without it.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Expandables, Expendables and Unexplainables...

life to me, as i know it now, has multiple elements that see to its functioning and just make it the colourful canvas that it is and that i shall continue to fill until the paint runs out. but there are 3 words in specific that actually define the 17 years 4 months and 4 days i've lived - expandable, expendable, unexplainable.

what is expandable to me is life itself. the whole saying of "living to the fullest" is to expand every moment to the degree that there is no room for white spaces, filled with things i didn't get the chance to do. i believe that the fibre of the very canvas must be stretched to the limits so that there's more space for more colour. what also shows major expandability is the nature of human relationships. i believe that every relationship is like a tree, complete with potential to grow and beneficial fruit to bear, but it only grows if given the necessary space and care. with every person i know, i want to further our interaction with each passing day, only to the limit that i can, so that i refrain from making any judgments based on any half-knowledge. i would also appreciate likewise behaviour from the other person concerned, but if they feel their canvas is too full of colour and the shade i add doesn't fit into the scheme of things, then i'll just have to be content that i did my part. we need to, at the essence of it, expand our capacity of being humans and learn what is there to learn and incorporate it in whatever way we can, because no kind of knowledge can be useless to an individual.

what is expendable really is the overpowering nature of expectation, doubt, guilt and vice. its easier said than done to really regard these things as expendable and actually avoid falling into their trap. i'm going to blatantly admit this is something i need to learn too and incorporate, as more than one people in my life will vouch for blindly [no offense taken people!]. what is also expendable really is the over exaggerated notion of absolutely anything. certain wants don't have to become needs, and certain emotions can be preserved for when needed the most. these are the white spaces on the canvas, and they must be gotten rid of. this purely because though white is a nice colour to have amid so much vibrance, the white grows on you in a way that after a point, the colour is invisible and each colour seems like a mistake on the canvas. what is also expendable is regret. i believe when you regret something, you negate the influence it had on you and how it made you who you are. even if it made you something that you don't appreciate, regretting it makes it worse because it sets off a chain reaction of regrets about everything you ever did and how it led to that one thing that you regret the most. its quite a sin to make life a scapegoat for a blind spot because we are all human and mistakes are an essential part of life. utopia does not and will not exist. life gets easier once you admit that.

what is unexplainable is too much. also because i haven't lived long enough to explain enough. i know much about very little, and little about way too much. i'd like to keep it that way and not forcefully try to explain something that hasn't ever happened to me and try and decipher someone else's canvas. each canvas is different, and it means and shows different things to different people. by trying to be an art critic, you might end up losing the emotion that the canvas of your own life conveyed to you. and that's dangerous. what is primarily unexplainable to me is love. love for my friends, love in my relationships, love that holds higher connotations and love that i share with my family and my mentors. there exist many a silence in some of my conversations and some are made up of endless venting out from either or both sides. i've learned to respect both these sides because that is how i believe i can truly do justice to the love they have for me. even in the blows i've received with respect to this love are special to me and surprisingly, do not reduce my love for the person in question. and that is unexplainable to me. and frankly, i believe that life should have that element of unexplained things because that mystery, that eagerness to discover and the wonder in the small details of life only arises out of this. that being lost, everything is lost.

as i end [finally, for those who cannot bear to read at length], i know i've bared most of my soul to your mind and eyes, because i have shared today what i have taken weeks to absorb, learn and simplify. life's canvas has hopefully more space for my art and lets hope that i can expand the space, expend what inhibits me and always have an unexplained portion of me that i can continue to discover with each stroke. and hopefully, you shall still continue to lend your shades to me, without which, there's too much white for me to cover.


Sunday, August 29, 2010

A New Kind of Liveliness...

this being the holy period of Ramadan [or Ramzan, however you wish to refer to it], i became particularly curious about the hype that surrounds the gallis of Mohammedali road in the southern parts of Mumbai. the best kind of foods during this fast period are supposed to be found there and i've heard tonnes. so, taking the opportunity presented, my family and i went off to Mohammedali road on saturday.

saturday = bad idea. its bad enough going to a highly crowded place with nothing to eat except for Mithais, now that i am a vegetarian, but its worse to go on the weekends, when the whole universe decides to eat there! it was jam-packed! we took a good 2 hours getting there, to start with, and when we reached, there was absolutely no space to walk, whatsoever. any the how, we ended up squeezing in and entered the galli that immediately engulfs you in its warmth, which is full of the smell of cooking oil and meat. i used to relish that once upon a time, and still do. the masalas are intoxicating, whatever the preparation!

everyone in our little group, barring my mother and i [who were decidedly the most enthusiastic about just being there], knew what they wanted to eat. i just looked around and i saw something i didn't expect in the least - it was a different meaning to life altogether. it didn't look like one big party because they had the right to party, it looked like a celebration of devotion. a celebration of having the strength to not eat or drink for hours together, and still be smiling. and that energy radiated down to me as well. i hadn't eaten anything in good 6 hours but i didn't bother in the least, because i was just happy. happy to see so many people test themselves in the name of God by putting themselves through an ordeal i'm sure most of us can't even think of managing. we cringe at the thought of no food or water till the moon comes out on karva chauth, which is a fast in the name of the husbands, but that's just one day! everyone who keeps the fast during Ramadan does the same thing every day for 40 days [if i have my facts right] and they're still smiling.

i think, at the end of the day, we all like getting a certain amount back for what we do each day. in whatever form that may be, we just like being on the receiving end. but i think this experience at Mohammadali road taught me that at the end of the day, if your work is honest, and if you do it with a smile, you're going to be rewarded anyhow because there's a lot one puts at stake to get by in a day. and i salute that. entirely.


P.S.: i ended up having some great stuff. i had phirnis and a sweet spongy-cake like dessert, topped with badam, pista and rabdi [cream], the name of which i forgot. and i had some Indian chinese at a restaurant there, so i did eat something substantial even as a vegetarian, as many other happy smiley faces broke their fasts around me.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Too Late...

over conversations with a lot of people, and a lot of introspective thinking, i've come across many situations where the dead end is that "it was too late." be it a concert for which one missed the show by one ticket, or a date, or even a lost inspiration. the dejection of that loss is only reflected in one statement -it was too late. but why is it too late?

in my opinion, which is expressed far too often for the liking of a lot of people, i believe nothing, and i mean nothing, can happen too late. it only happens when we're ready to face what it really entailed. every consequence thereon is something that can only be tackled because we're accomplished enough to take on the challenge of it.

some people can't realise their choice in life. and when they do, they say its too late because they've already reconciled themselves to their fates that the opportunity would never present itself again. but when it does, they say its too late because they've already settled for what is not theirs to have! i'm not saying sit around waiting for it, because that's senseless and life isn't life unless you make some sense of it. what i'm saying is, welcome the opportunity if it returns and if it doesn't excite you as much as it did and doesn't define your life as well as it did before, then it isn't what you've always needed, wanted or deserved.

i believe these situations in life are like walking in a maze blindfolded. you only have your good sense to guide you and when you hit a wall, you know its time to turn in a new direction, explore a new possibility. probably be in a better situation than before. and the best part, you can't expect what the path holds because your vision doesn't support you. when you hear people say "expect the unexpected", they mean exactly this - go ahead with your blindfold and you'll only know that you're ready to uncover your eyes when you've reached your goal.

i've heard people crib, myself included, about times where we really need help and we dont get it, but we get help at all the times where we're self-sufficient. that only happens to let us know that, like money needs to be saved in a bank account for later, this help needs to be acknowledged so that we can claim it when we need it most. relationships are like investments, they always grow into something fruitful and last only for as long as you're willing to be patient with their growth process. so we've only got to create those safe deposits and investments for ourselves before it really is too late.

when we miss an important moment, it probably isn't as important to us as we think it is, and we only have a heightened sense of importance for it because we're supposed to want certain things. but if we only complied with what we think we want, we're never going to know what we want, and everything in life will happen just a little too late...



they call me a torchbearer

for they believe i pave

the way forward

for those who crave an escape

making my pride escalate thus

to giddy heights, from where i can't see

what lies below the dust at my feet

but only the way ahead of me

they say i'm a torchbearer

claiming i radiate energy

but if only i could see what they've inferred

i could very well realise my true vibrancy

at the head of the line

with a thousand eyes in hope

joined by a few more

look to me for guidance

for i am their torchbearer

but the path is unclear to me

and no one to lead me on

to a destiny that awaits

countless others, but they cannot see

and only look to me...

Monday, July 19, 2010

The [C]Harmer

He minces words
with his sharpened wit.
with his appealing humour,
he's a perfect fit!

He knows what dressing to use
what elements to avoid, just in case
he is met with a client
who's easily annoyed

He's brilliant with spices
for they're his best device
they're in his disarming gaze
and his naughty smile

he can cook up lies
like they were part of a feast
a dirty look, a critical word
bother him the least

he's the salt in a dish
the life of a party
you'd notice him even as he breezed past
he's just that crafty

with his amazing and tasteful life
you'd almost think he's a culinary wizard
but be not mistaken, for poor girls are
swept off their feet by this blizzard.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Magic of words

for those who love to write, do -
for it shall complete every part of you
but if you write, look not for acclaim
write not merely for money or fame.

write for the heart and the soul too,
write for those around you,
for those with a voice they cannot use,
those with choices, but who cannot choose.

let loose the angels of a happy day
on all the demons that prey
on lives full of joy. open all doors
and let all emotions splay onto the floors

no care for the world's fury
nor for any judge nor jury
for those who judge know not why
they see, for they don't see beyond the eye.

for there are many lives to inspire,
through words and thoughts that transpire
there is much to say and do
and it all starts with you.

flight of the Phoenix

of all the things she left behind
that she didn't look back twice to see
she knew she'd miss, the eternal bliss
of saying "this place belongs to me"

of all the memories she had shared
with those she's known for ages
she kept those, she could hold close
and free herself from the cages

of all the love she'd gathered from
those who were part of her
she took it all, to later recall
the affection and the cheer.

she leaves today not to be free,
but to be bound for it would be long
until she'd see the old fantasy
to which she once belonged.

one last look into her history
takes her back to days well spent
among her peers, amid all cheer
but with tears she was sent...

only to grow, only to live
only to live a life anew
she walked out into the sunshine
and into a new life she grew....

he wrote on...

inspired by those who wrote once upon a time, those who shall write, and those who still believe that they can...special dedication to poet DH Lawrence.

he had no words to his credit,
nor lyrical expertise,
yet he wrote, on and on
with a careless, abandoned ease.

no subject had he definite in mind,
no untimely past to leave behind,
no song to sing, no lamentation had he
he wrote, on and on, for he was free.

no critic to shower him with praise,
no one to say which piece they loved,
for he wrote, on and on
without two hoots for the world.

too hoots he didn't care, nor give
to those who only lived
for things that they could control
and so he wrote, on and on, for his soul.

and for his soul he wrote, with
all his might and yet he never
stopped for breath, and as if for ever
he wrote on and on to his death...

dedicated to valentines day singletons - unpicked

here i sit, unpicked
and gladly so
these days were never meant for those
who choose to go beyond the rose

here sit i, unpicked
and proud to be so
even though, a reject in the row
this smile remains unflicked

i'd rather be here than there
see the sun rise rather than set
and what better bet
than seeing love grow than tear

i'd rather feel the rain
than let all my care and joy
all meant for one [maybe even another] boy
go down V-Day drain, for it was never worth the pain.

so here's to those who enjoy their drink
solitarily, without another thought
to the other side of the day they never got
for there's more to life that's worth a think.

and here's also to those who chose
to stay true, to the tradition of a day
who's motive is to take all the love away
to bloom for the day, their rose.

Friday, July 9, 2010


I haven't written in a while and i only have myself to blame. it does not take circumstance to alter our devotion to a particular interest. the level of devotion is easily adjudged by the fight we put up against the circumstance. and i haven't put up anything of a fight. not even an inkling. no iota of my energy has been spent in cultivating a piece of poetry, or prose in my head, something that i used to do on an hourly basis. is it just a maniacal roller-coaster ride to disaster or just a phase? i cannot tell. i know for one that i can still write. but i don't know for sure whether the amount i was devoted to it earlier is the same now.

this state of confusion disables me from writing at all. so far, i've erased close to 5 different ideas, 3 prose, 2 poetry. i've switched 4 titles and a 1000 moods in trying to find something to communicate. i think the catharsis is necessary and so it must be done. but has anything out of compulsion or more ever been as good as something of passion and inspiration? i doubt it. but the need to express becomes so overbearing sometimes that even writer's bloc cannot contain. frustration mounting, thoughts buzzing, mind wandering - not the most conducive state to pen [in this case, type] the purest emotions. but perhaps this is the only breakthrough.

but this is applicable to everything, or almost everything, in life. i think when one reaches a breaking point, its builds up all the tension inside which needs a release. that release, usually being reckless, is in my opinion, the most sensible thing one can do. unless you do not give yourself a vent once in a while and wait for the "right time", it never will turn up. opportunity usually knocks on one's door but at times, you need to take that step forward, even if it means tripping and falling into a pile of dirt. at least it doesn't rest within you that there was something you wanted to say or do and never did because the perfect occasion didn't come by.

so with this, i leave you with the thought of being able to just do something, out of impulse, because its probably the best release to any sort of pent up feelings. and with this, i did just that.


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

More To Life...

there is more to life than leisure
and hopeless pleasures
though the weather beats, and so do spouses
bear all without grouses
for there is more to life

there is more to life than nature
and joys miniature
though terrorists are spreading hate
and breaking news; wait
for there is more to life

there is more to life than a sunday
and every other weekday
though road rage kills
wait patiently for the thrills
for there is more to life

there is more to life than friends
and the meeting of ends
though every hour is a new fight
all will be set right
for there is more to life

there is more to life than love
and the rain and snow from above
though crops die and so do we
it shall be followed up with glee
for there is more to life - or so they tell me
but what they wait for, i am yet to see...